I'd seen them before, I knew them when I was 4

I kept waking through the night. I was reading my book from 4.30am. So when the alarm went of at 6.15am I was all ready to get back to sleep. Tommy left for work, then I slipped back off to sleep. Oscar woke me at 8.30am to let me know that they were off to school. Emma from up the road took them in.

I spent the day Christmas shopping, from my bed, via the laptop. In the evening Ju came round. I had a glass of rosé with the nibbles. I was very happy very quickly! Helen came round too, and Leah entertained the twins. Ju La La brought me the biggest box of chocolates. I had an ab fab evening. 


Just wrote a song about a tortilla, 
actually it's more of a wrap

Twins R Us

OOOh, ahhh, mmm, I had a bath. How nice... and not just for me I bet! Let's just say it had been a while... I had to keep my wounds dry. I took a peek under the dressings, not looking too bad. I actually put on some real clothes today, rather than a tankini and Pjs; don't ask.

From the
twin mums

In the morning Lauren came round and took away some more ironing.

After lunch all the twin mums came over for a visit, it was so good to see them all as we were meant to be going out with them this Saturday night, but I am not quite ready for early Christmas celebrations just yet! They bought me a lovely Champagne bottle Links charm for my bracelet (which is getting very heavy now)! 

From Liz & Don

Later on Mum popped round with a stunning white orchid from Liz and Don. 


Hedgehogs - 
why can't they just share the hedge

Home Alone

Day four at home, dozed on and off through the day, letting my body recover. A few pains and itchy scars, but nothing too bad. Am starting to feel a bit more normal now and my senses of gustation and olfacation are beginning to come back to what they were before... roll on Christmas!! 


Greece has banned the export of Hummus and Taramasalata. It's a double-dip recession

Scrummy, Yummy and Mummy

From Deb T.

A busy day for me... Dad took the children to school, then Deb came round in the morning with a lovely plant and some SCRUMMY chocolates. Then Kats arrived with a YUMMY lunch for us, after which MUMMY arrived to do some ironing and I went up for a sleep. 

This evening the pain has started to kick in, I don't know if it is because I had a 'busy' day or if it is because the drugs are leaving my body and I now need more painkillers. Anyway, to take my mind away from the pain I tried a glass of white with my dinner and then Debs chocolates for dessert! 

All gone now!

Woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gives her one

Hearts and Flowers

From Loz.

Dad took the children down to school. Lauren came round in the morning and brought me a lovely silver heart. Felt a bit tearful today, but had expected it as the hospital had warned me that it was likely to happen a few days after the operation as the anaesthetic slowly wears off.  So Tommy came back from work to look after me. 

The skin on my feet is all peeling off and my fingernails are starting to peel off too. I think these are delayed chemo side effects. 

From Shepherds

A beautiful delivery bouquet of flowers came from my work which helped to cheer me up... my boys really do know how to look after me!

In the afternoon I had another solid sleep full of dreams. 


I found a piece of plasticine next to my bed... I didn't know what to make of it

Dreamy Weekend

From Margaret & Mike.

Through the night I slept on and off, loads of dreams, but as I usually sleep on my side I found it strange sleeping on my back, as it was too uncomfortable to sleep to any side. 

Today I still have no major pain (taking painkillers), I had a lovely lie in this morning. Got up, felt good again. My in-laws came to visit and to potter in the garden with the children and to have some lunch with us. Did my arm exercises. In the afternoon went back to bed for a very deep sleep full of dreams.


Man with no garden... Look forlorn

Post Op Post, 19,000 hits

Flowers from Tommy.

At the QEII cancer patients are taken to the private ward, so I had my own en-suite room. 

I slept comfortably through the night, waking sometimes to read. In the morning they came round to give me more painkillers, and to take my temperature and blood pressure (as they had done throughout the night). I told them how well I felt, they explained that was because I was full of morphine and to take it easy. After breakfast the doctor came to see me. He explained that the operation had gone well and that they, as well as taking out the lump and removing lymph glands, had also taken some other samples out from the calcifications. I will have to wait for the results now, to see what they do next????? I was told I could go home after lunch.

The most delightful thing
about being bald...
one can hear snowflakes

Mum and Dad came to visit and bought me a beautiful charm for my bracelet, which Rebecca helped them to choose,. Then Tommy arrived to pick me up. I am back at home now, still no pain.

Thank you again to all, for all the well wishes xx

I bought an alcoholic ginger beer the other day.

He wasn't impressed

My Lumpectomy Operation

My sawgeon!

We all had to get up dead early this morning. Tommy took me to the hospital where I had to put on the lovely gown with missing ties, and some lovely white stockings! Next I was taken down to have a local aneasthetic and a guide wire inserted via mammogram to let the surgeon know where to go. I was eventually walked down to theatre just after 2pm, after mum and Dad came to see me.

Woke up around 4.30pm and taken to the private wing. Tommy, Rebecca and Oscar came to visit and I had tea and toast. Feeling mighty fine;


Two elephants fell off a cliff. Boom! Boom!

Power Shower

Out to lunch with Peter from work

My last day at work for a while. I went out to lunch with Nicki and Peter. Wow, what a windy day; I really had to hold onto Common Bob this afternoon. After work Kats came round to help me pack my hospital bag and also to help me make my festive bra ready for the school mums party.

Had a very deep sleep early evening. Have had some wonderful texts, calls, cards, facebook comments and messages from everyone, thank you all so much for your love and support. 

Nil by mouth from midnight tonight, and a shower in the morning with my new shower gel! 

Will be blogging from my phone if I am well enough tomorrow. 

I'm scared, soon I'll be scarred!

Went to a seafood disco last week: 
I pulled a muscle

Wet Wig

This morning I went to the QEII for pre-op tests. Blood pressure, temperature, pulse, heart rate, weight, height, blood tests, sample, examinations etc. I had to answer loads of questions I saw four different people and was given lots of leaflets explaining various procedures, and stages of my operation. Also they gave me a special shower gel to use on the morning! It all took three hours.

I misjudged the weather!

Returning to work I got absolutely soaked in the rain, poor Soggy Bobby was dripping.

I fell asleep again after work. I got some lovely cards in the post. The doctor today told me that I will probably need two weeks off work after the op.

I rang the tinnitus hotline the other day. It just kept ringing

Reality Sets In

I am getting more and more worried as Friday gets closer, it's not that I am concerned about the operation itself but the reality that I, Paula, aged 46 will be having cancer removed. I think it is really starting to hit home now, somehow it all seems more real. I know that I have known for the past 5 months that I have cancer, but somehow, now the ultimate goal is near, it is hitting me hard. I know that I should be excited that at last it will soon be gone and over, but I am really feeling the angst of a cancer victim.

Tomorrow I am going to the hospital for pre-operative tests, to make sure I am all good and ready for the operation. I should be there for about 3 hours, they will also explain what to expect on Friday.

But hey, I am a fighter, I am a survivor. I didn't get where I am today by moping and whinging. So cancer I laugh in your face!!!

Victim or Survivor?

Being a Victim is a state of body. Being a Survivor is a state of mind.

A Victim fears their hair falling out from chemotherapy. A Survivor knows bald is beautiful.

A Victim knows about feeling down. A Survivor knows feeling down is okay.

A Victim is amazed at all the tears. A Survivor never leaves home without Kleenex.

A Victim goes to 'see' a doctor. A Survivor 'consults' with his or her physician.

A Victim gets caught in despair. A Survivor prays a lot.

A Victim feels helpless. A Survivor says 'thanks' with dignity and grace.

A Victim enjoys a good laugh. A Survivor LOVES one.

From the moment we are diagnosed with cancer, we are victims.

We must CHOOSE to be SURVIVORS. 

The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense

Bob goes BACK in Time

Lauren popped round with a pile of ironing she had done for me. It takes me back to our college days when we used to iron for people in Hertford; we called ourselves Full Steam Ahead. 

Bex 'n' Bob

Mummy Mullet

On the way back from swimming lessons tonight Rebecca put on Common Bob. She had it on backwards! What a mullet! 

Backwards Bob could be a new way forward! When we got home Rebecca put on Bob again... the right way round this time. 

Massive headache today, I think it's a "Tense, Nervous" one. 

Get well soon Dad xx


Almost got my haircut; thought I'd mullet over first

Chapter 2

This afternoon I went to continue my shopping trip which was shortened last week. Quite unsuccessful today, but I did manage to get a few bits towards Christmas, which makes me feel a bit better. 

So good to know there will be no more chemo induced nausea, fatigue, constipation, head-aches, and all other chemo aches and pains. Ever again!

I am now starting to worry about the next chapter. More tests, operation, results, recuperation, exercises and recovery.

Will I be able to lift my Champagne glass on Christmas day??!!

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”

Junior Masterchef

This morning Tommy took Oscar to football whilst Rebecca made some sausage rolls to have for lunch when they returned. Also Rebecca and I prepared the evening meal. 

In the afternoon I had a very deep sleep. Got letters though from the hospital; on Wednesday morning I have to go in for 3 hours to have pre-op tests. Then on Friday I have to check-in at 8am.

How do you make a sausage roll?
Push it down a hill

AA Cup Cakes

I am starting to feel slightly normal again, so after the school drop off I went to Tesco for the first time in about three months, sadly I was quite excited about the idea! 

On the way back I popped into Laurens to her card sale to stock up on greeting cards for the next few months, her sister had made some amazing cakes to go with our coffee. Once home I sorted out Christmas gifts and lists and caught up with with paperwork. 

Cozy night in front of the TV. 

I do not enjoy computer jokes, not one bit

Stamp Out Cancer

Tommy picked me up from work to go over to the QEII hospital to see my specialist Mr Wood. Delays again! He explained the operation. He will do a lumpectomy and then remove some lymph glands from my armpit. We then went through to the breastcare nurse who explained things further.

He has booked me in for next Friday! Yes Friday, I couldn't believe that it would be that soon, I will be in hospital for a couple of days.  

I will have to have some blood tests before Friday to make sure that I am fit and healthy for the operation (I don't really feel it at the moment). 

I returned to work to finish my week.

When I got home there was a parcel in the post... last week I had told Heidi that I was frustrated that I felt so fatigued that I couldn't even carry out a simple task such as writing my Christmas cards whilst lying up in bed. 

Well, my problem is solved she sent an ink pad and personalised stamp, so watch out for it in your Christmas cards!

I worked at the bakery - I kneaded the dough

I'm so Vein, I bet I think this Blog is About Me!

Chemo veins.

I stepped outside today, what a beautiful day to arrive back out in the world! Still felt a bit wobbly, but took the kids to school and then ventured into work.  I lasted about three hours before I had to come home again to have a rest before pick up time. 

This is what my veins look like now on my left arm (it may never go back to normal). They have gone hard from all the chemotherapy running up them. They were so painful to start with but are better now.

And that's with make up on!

the cross eyed teacher lost her job; she couldn't control her pupils

Chemo Queen's Ladies in Waiting

OK, so I didn't make it up again today, had a restless, agitated night last night and woke up this morning feeling depressed, which I remember from the last chemo, so I know what it is and that it should only last a couple of days. 

Mum and Dad came round to take the kids to school. We sang Happy Birthday and gave Pops his card and present.

I slept in the morning, then Kats, my Tuesday fairy, came round to do a few chores (wave her magic wand) and to bring me some lunch. After Kats had gone Mum turned up to do some ironing whilst I rested. She then did the school run. 

I went to buy some soup but they were out of stock

Pastey Paula

POST 125

Yet another day in bed. 

I'M A CHEMO QUEEN
Get Me Out Of Here!

Tommy had to work from home and take the children down to school. Everything I try to eat or drink all has the taste and consistency of wallpaper paste (sack the chef)! I have light-headed and dizzy moments just being in bed. I tried to get up this evening to see what the downstairs of our house looks like (hadn't been there for a while). Have now stopped taking tablets and just have three more injections to do. Then I stop being a user, I will probably still rattle for a while afterwards. 

I want to see Dad for his birthday tomorrow and to get back to work, so hopefully three days in bed will have gained me some energy. At least I don't wake up in the mornings with bead head!!


I close my eyes when I get to sad
thinking how could things have got so bad
but I believe them when they say
everything will be better on a soon someday  ٩(-̮̮̃ -̃)۶

Elf Star

Tommy's working hard downstairs, 
I lie up in my bed,
All the homework is done for now, 
I have aching limbs and head.

He's shopped, washed, cleaned the shoes; 
now he's making dinner,
I did some internet shopping, 
but Tommy is the true winner.

I never really thank him enough,
for all that it is he does,
He runs around madly 
without making any fuss.

I wish that I could do some more, 
I am frustrated with just lying,
I got up to do some ironing before, 
but failed; dizzy for trying.

He sorts my tablets and the twins,
Never a moment for himself,
When I married this fine man
I got the perfect Elf!!


Broken pencils are pointless

Slumber Number

I was meant to work again this Saturday, but after yesterdays antics I stayed at home in bed all day and slept through most of it. Dad took Rebecca to a scientists rocket making workshop and Tommy took Oscar to his football match. Feeling rough still. Night night, I need more sleep.

Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep. Nine if you're ugly

Nee Nah, Nee Nah

In the ambulance.

Felt a bit slow and lethargic this morning, but it's my day off, so I had arranged to meet Heidi to do a bit of shopping in the morning and then to go on to lunch with the twin mums. Whilst at the shops I felt ill... dizzy, light-headed, sick and faint. I had to sit down on a shop floor. 

Paramedic, Curly Fries.

Heidi called an ambulance, which arrived sometime later (as we were in a shopping centre and they couldn't gain direct access). Whisked off to hospital, Princess Alexandra in Harlow this time (I need a tour T-shirt). Tommy rushed home from work to meet me in my private side ward, where they carried out numerous checks, to find that my blood pressure was lowering and that my potassium levels were also low as well as my iron levels. Also dehydrated. Ooh the joys of chemo. 

My chauffeur.

I slept in between tests in the hospital and then was discharged a few hours later. Missed lunch with the twin mums. Julie picked the children up from school and took them home to hers for tea and then onto a fireworks display. Tommy brought me home and I slept. 


I stepped on a cheerio this morning… Does that make me a cereal killer?

Back to Bed

Oh, no, here we go again, well... that didn't take long this time; only three days. Here comes the fatigue. I was fine all day at work and even when I got home I got lots of jobs done, then the tiredness suddenly set in, along with the swollen tongue, constipation and lack of appetite. 


Now I am in a panic about getting everything done for Christmas, had hoped I'd have a bit more time to get organised. But I suppose I have so much chemotherapy in my system now that it was bound to hit hard on this last treatment.

Hopefully I will be fresher in the morning after a rest. 

I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back

Bra Humbug

I forgot to put mascara on my four eyelashes this morning. 

My Mummy's birthday today, the children and I popped round to give her a card, flowers and present on the way to school this morning. Into work with a skip in my step for a full day at work. Kats came round after school to help me strip and dress the beds and to finish the pink bubbly!

Baubles... All wrapped up

For the year 5 Mum's Christmas Party this year they have arranged to have a "Festive Bra" party in conjunction with my good news and in light of my end of breast cancer chemo. How really thoughtful and caring... especially as the host absolutely detests any type of dressing up.           

   Because I'm worth it.. BRAvo

 

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. 

I can't put it down

Kaptain Keymo 6... Over and Out!

Hip hip hurray, chemo ended today!

I only slept for 1.5 hours last night as the steroids I am taking make me hyper, hyper.

I popped into work then Lauren took me to the hospital for my final chemotherapy. All went very smoothly, although delayed again! She gave me a lovely card and bought me lunch to eat at my chair. 


Tommy came home with a charm for my bracelet, an Egg of Hope. 

A delivery of a box, so large it was right up to my my hip, arrived at the door this evening; an amazing, most beautiful bouquet from Heidi.


Dinner just had to involve Pink Champagne to celebrate the end of this chapter.

It only takes me 1 drink to get drunk now. Trouble is I can't remember if it’s the 6th or the 7th

4 months from diagnosis

I Have a Plan

I went into work before going to hospital to get my bloods tested, which are good for chemo tomorrow. Tommy and I saw the doctor who explained what will probably happen after this chemo; in the way of timings and expectations, ie. operation 3/4 weeks later, recovery from op 2/3 weeks, then hopefully a break, before starting radiotherapy, after Christmas, at Mount Vernon every week day for three and a half weeks. I will also be taking Tamoxifen, an anti-oestrogen drug, every day for the next five years.  

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Cancerinformation/Cancertreatment/Treatmenttypes/Hormonaltherapies/Individualhormonaltherapies/Tamoxifen.aspx#.UJgT7MWl4uA


So it looks as if I may get a break at Christmas time after the operation before starting radiotherapy in the New Year. I feel blessed that the timings have worked so well for me. 

٩(-̮̮̃ -̃)۶ It may sound crazy, but I also feel so thankful that everything has gone so well and relatively smoothly for me so far (don't ask me to repeat that in the next few weeks when the chemotherapy kicks in again).

I have such wonderful family and friends, not to forget work, the doctors and breastcare nurses who have helped me through this blip in my life. Without their love, help, support and positive words this would not have been such a bearable experience for me.

Well done to Rebecca who is moving up a swimming class. xx

I have an attitude of gratitude

Busy, Weak Ahead

Yesterday whilst I was at work the Ironing Fairies returned with perfectly pressed piles. This morning we set off to the shops to get more presents, cards, football boots and uniform. In the afternoon I took a snooze.

Tomorrow it's back to the Lister hospital in Stevenage for blood tests and to see the oncologist, then Tuesday is my last chemo!

They told me I had type A blood,
but it was a type-O

Chemo Queen Goes Out

Left work early again to sleep solidly for two hours as tonight I am going out for drinks and a meal with work, I can't remember the last time that I stayed up beyond 8.30pm. 

Fought with false eyelashes and was going to wear my red wig, but looked slightly similar to a drag queen!

So bloggers and bloggettes I will post on the end of this again in the morning, if there is anything to report from my night out...

Chemo Queen xxx

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words

Met my colleagues for drinks, then we went for a Chinese before moving onto another bar. I was the first to leave, but I did get to celebrate bonfire night with a FLAMING Sambuca (or two)! Was I ever ready for that taxi home at 11pm. What a late night!!

Kiddie Cuddles

Deb came round this morning to pick up some more ironing. The children are back!! They had a fantastic time staying with the grand-parents. 

We went out to lunch and then attempted to do some Christmas and birthday shopping. When we got home (with very few bags) Mum and Dad had been round with a little plant from Linda and Ted, and some cake! 

Cuddles on the sofa. 

I changed my i-Pod name to Titanic. It's syncing now