Barbie

Seeing a plastic surgeon this month....

1 year ago

Well, it's half term again, this time one year ago we were visiting Arran off the West coast of Scotland, when I noticed a change in my right breast. We have come back up here again.... Wow, a lot has happened in that year. I felt a bit apprehensive about returning to the place where I discovered my cancer, but as tommy explained, it is a good thing; as if we hadn't have been away I might never have discovered it so early.

I am now without my right breast and lymph nodes under the right armpit. My hair is now growing back, albeit curly chemo, as are my nails. I have to do arm excercises daily to help prevent lymphodemia, and take tamoxifen for five years.

The tiredness and afternoon naps are getting less frequent.

In the last three months my best friend, 2 of our family members, another best friends husband have all been diagnosed with cancer of varying types. Cancer sucks.

But I feel I am out the other side, and wouldn't have coped on my own without such a wonderful support group of family and friends, all the help, gifts, letters, blog comments really did help me through this dark patch of my life.

 Thank you xx

Five am

Took the children back round to mum and dads, they walked to Van Hages. After lunch they went to play with Joseph and Amie, I picked them up after work. Had a cuppa, yes cuppa with Bev. Took Rebecca for an eye test, perfect vision. More snow.

Childcare

I took the children to mum and dads on my way into work today. I have normal energy levels in the morning and then flag in the afternoon, so as soon as I picked the kids up when I had finished work I fell asleep again. It is so frustrating and time wasting, the doctor said only a few more weeks of it.... I cannot wait. I have such a long list of jobs in my head that need doing, and it will be good to spend some time with the children.

I was meant to be going back to Mount Vernon this Friday for massage therapy, but I called to cancel, as it is Easter holidays and I have the children... Also I now feel that MV is in the past for me and not a place I feel I need to return to.

When I feel better
I will renew my gin membership

Blog holiday Monday

Monday was a bank holiday, so I had a day off from blogging! we had a lazy morning at Petes then all took a stroll along the front to the pier and back (6 miles). We said our goodbyes and set back to Hertford. I was so tired but could not sleep in the car. Flopped into bed as soon as we got home. We had a fantastic Easter, thanks Pete and Chris.

Today I returned to work, tommy looked after Rebecca and Oscar. I napped after work.

Easter Sunday

A lovely sunny Easter Sunday. We all walked to church for a very 'jolly' service, then back for roast lamb and egg hunts. I napped, they tried to wake me to take my tablets, but I slept on and on.

Brighton for Easter

Lovely to be in Brighton with all the family. We packed up early and set off to the south. Mum and dad were already there. We set off to the beach to find stones with faces, fossils and do skimming... No not swimming. In the evening (yes I had got my nap in) we all went out for dinner and stayed the night. Xx

Good Friday

I tell you what, it is a Good Friday. But then every Friday is good! I went into work today to run the office. After work I started getting ready for going down to Brighton tomorrow and then had a massive afternoon sleep. The doctor told me that this fatigue should last another 4-5 weeks, then I should be back to normal. Yesterday Lorna came round to pick up some ironing to do in the school holidays. The children are excited about being off for Easter and about going down to see their cousins for Easter.

I caught the Easter bunny laying eggs.
They were way too small and didn't taste of chocolate.

I Love Life!

A spring in my step for Spring. Life is weird... today I could have been deciding how to spend my last few years; but instead I woke up feeling great (even though I had demolished nearly a whole bottle of Bollinger Champagne last night to celebrate)!! I bought the guys cakes at work.

This morning I told to the twins that the doctor has said that I am all better and won't have to go to hospital again for a long time. I explained that I may go back into hospital before Christmas to get a new bosom made. "Why?" they asked. "Because I may want one and I wouldn't be so wonky" I replied. "But you only need them for feeding babies". I then went on to advise them that I wouldn't have to wear my prosthesis anymore and that they would make the new breast from part of my tummy. "But would your tummy ever grow back?" they worriedly asked me "I hope not!" I replied.

Spelling is a lossed art

The Results Are in

What a long day. I took the children to school then went into work. Tommy came and met me at lunchtime and we went over to the hospital. Dr Shah told us that the scan was ALL CLEAR. he discharged me and doesn't need to see me again! What a relief I cannot believe it. If the shadow had of returned my life expectancy would have been upto five years. But now I get to go on, I will celebrate with Tommy tonight (will probably keel over from alcoholic poisoning)!

Thinking about AJG and LC ... xx

Worried? Me?

Wow, what weird dreams last night. All cancer and hospital related... I must be worried. It's so strange that tomorrow could be really bad news or really good news. If its bad news I don't want to know, but if its good I do! Tommy and I are seeing my oncologist Dr Shah at QEII at 2:30. He should give us the results of the recent cat scan, to see if the shadow on my lung is secondary breast cancer. Well whatever the outcome I think I will have a wee drinky.

Ferry nice holidays

Did not sleep at all well last night. Worried for results on Wednesday. I was tired at work, so had a sleep once I got home before going out for the evening to the children's music festival. A lovely evening.

We have booked a couple of UK holidays for this year, as foreign travel and insurance for me at the moment is not even worth it. Although for two of the holidays we will be travelling 'over seas'... One to the isle of Arran and one to the Isle of Wight! We also have a week booked in Aldeburgh, Suffolk.

I know, I know

Sorry guys for not blogging recently. Friday I set off for mount vernon with mum and dad, for my Indian head massage. The traffic was so bad that I called the cancer centre who advised me not to come as there had been a bad accident on the A1M. We turned back and mum and I went shopping in Welwyn Garden City instead. Very fun, but tireing. So slept well in the afternoon.

Saturday I took Rebecca to the local boys secondary school for a science week challenge. We had to drop an egg out of a second storey window! Very competitive... But we did it with a parachute!

After lunch I napped before we headed out for the evening to celebrate marks birthday. Had a lovely evening with a Thai meal.

Today, Sunday, we had a relaxing family day (surrounded by snow again). Tommy made another amazing Sunday roast and we watched more family video footage.

Head for the Mount?

Popped out of work this morning to have a quick coffee with Bev for her birthday, I have now started to get back into showing people around houses at work again. Another tired afternoon. I am meant to be going to mount vernon tomorrow to get an Indian head massage, to help relieve my stresses, but the actual thought of going back there is stressful enough, I am not sure whether to cancel my appointment or not.

Too tired to type

I made it yesterday without my power nap, although I did not sleep too well through the night. After school pick up and kids dinner tonight I went for a sleep, and stayed in bed for the night with a bowl of soup. Note to self: rest when I need it or else it all catches up with me, and I am not good with lack of sleep.

Night night xx

Burnt baps

Every day I have to wear a scarf around my neck to cover the burn appearing from the radiotherapy, it looks a bit like a love bite as it is at the base of my neck. Wow, it is so itchy... A bit like sunburn... I also have it on my back; that area is called the exit point.

Busy day at work, got lots done, and at home. I am starting to get more pains on my right hand side. I have been numb up until now, so I think that the numbness is starting to leave me and when I do my excersises the pain is getting worse. I get the results for my lung scan next Wednesday.

Xx

Cat. scan

Today I had to return to the Lister Hospital for another CT scan. I went into work then Tommy picked me up to take me. Because I have had lymph nodes removed from my right side, I am now, never allowed to take blood, cut or injure that arm as it may not cure itself. So they tried to find a vein in my left arm to insert the canular... But my veins are so hardened on the left arm from all the chemotherapy that it took one nurse, a doctor a lot of blood and pain and five attempts to get the tiny needle into a vein. The scan was a big whizzy donut thing, with some dye pumped through me. Tommy dropped me back off at work. Katz popped round straight after work, then I slept for hours.

Barge and Babies

Well, yesterday's was my 250th post. Today we had a lie in before I collected the kids. We walked into Hertford to The Old Barge to have some lunch. In the afternoon I napped, then we all watched old film footage of the kids!

The Party is Off

I am trying to download photos from my birthday but cannot get all this fandangled technology to talk to each other (that, or else now I have hit 47 I am too old to understand)!

Went into work today, left early tired. We were meant to be going out tonight but my tired body just won't let me. I had a powernap this afternoon. Oscar went to AJ for a party sleep over and Rebecca went to mum and dads for the night. I cancelled our night out, but Loz and Mark came round to ours and we got a take-away. 

What did one ball say to the other ball? 
Nothing - he just looked round

A relaxing day

Deb popped round this morning for a coffee and to bring me a beautiful white orchid. In the afternoon I went to see the twins in their school class assembly. Most of the class had onesies on and pyjamas for comic relief. Then this evening they went to the school disco. I called the hospital today and have now confirmed that I can see the Doctor sooner after the lung scan than previously scheduled.

It's My Party and I'll Cry if I want to

Today I celebrate my birthday.

I was born, at home, 47 years ago in Palmers Green, North London. The children jumped into bed with us this morning. 

I went into work for the morning then headed off to the local bar to meet my pals and the school mums for lunch. 

Loads off cards, lovely presents, facebook messages, and texts from friends and family. 

Had a fab time, then slept for the evening.

Old? I went to an antique auction today
three people bid on me

Iced Chelsea Buns

Now that takes me back!

I actually managed to get some sleep last night, so woke up today with a spring in my step. I took cakes into work for my birthday, yes I know it's my birthday tomorrow but the boys were hungry! In the afternoon the tiredness set in again, it's so frustrating. Popped round to see Mum and Dad who gave me a lovely bouquet of flowers and a lovely cheque for my birthday. The kids went to a party this evening whilst I slept. 

Tomorrow I share my birthday with: 

Albert Einstein (another genius)
Michael Caine
Billy Crystal
Qunicy Jones
Pam Ayres (another poet)
Jasper carrott (another funny person)!

Humpty dumpty died a crackhead

And I Quote....

"When a big change occurs in your life it forces you to change direction. Sometimes the new path may not be easy, but you can be absolutely certain that there is magnificence for you on the new path. You can be absolutely certain that the new path contains things that you could not have experienced otherwise.

When we look back at a negative event that occurred in the past, we often see how in fact it transformed our life. We see how that event directed us toward a life that we would not change for anything".

We'll see!

A Monday in March

I hardly got any sleep last night. I had a good day at work and lasted longer with my tiredness. Had a sleep around 6pm then a lazy evening... Soup in bed! Birthday Thursday, out for lunch. Out Saturday night, then lung scan on Monday.


What does the man in the moon do when his hair gets too long? Eclipse it

Mothering Sunday 2013

Flowers, homemade cards and keyring and a lie-in. Popped round to see my Mummy. Tommy cooked my favourite meal.... roast beef.  

I only sing in the shower

Lovely Lindsay

Another lazy day. Caught up on the ironing, then had a sleep in the afternoon. In the evening I went to Lindsay's surprise 40th karaoke party! No I did not sing! The last time I did karaoke I was 18 and got booed off the stage and things thrown at me; singing Roxanne by The Police!

I tried to write a pub crawl song
Didn't make it past the first few bars

I can Nail it

This morning when I woke up (after not a lot of sleep) I still felt low. My skin is now starting to burn and itch locally from the radiotherapy. From the school drop-off I went to meet Heidi for a little shop. Bought some tops (they're so much easier to buy than bottoms).... although now, I have really had to change the way I dress. High neck lines. We had some lunch, very civilized.

Came home early for a rest, before picking up the children. I slept in the afternoon. The children got their own tea; toasted cheese sandwiches, peanuts and apple juice. Tonight my big toenail fell off, yuck. But, like my fingernails, I am sure it will grow back, I cannot wait to use the voucher that Loz bought for me to get a manicure once my nails have come back.

Sorry to all who I have been very elusive with, but am in a strange place at the moment and sorting out lifes arrangements and appointments is confusing for my brain at the mo.

Albinos - you can't say fairer than that

Too tired

Too tired... Will blog tomorrow xx

Its now tomorrow, on Thursday I went into work in the morning then came home again at lunchtime. To rest. 

Snore

I needed a day off work to recover and to get some more energy. I spent the day in bed catching up on some rest. I think that I had gone back to work a little too early as I was still signed off by the doctor, but felt that I was up to it... clearly, I was wrong!

Emma took the children to school and Mum and Dad picked them up and took them home for tea, which gave me time to rest at my worst hour; 4-5pm.

Sleep is at the top of my list of places I'd like to go back to

Tired = Low

OK, so I got up at 8am and was ready to leave for school at 8.30! I am soooo tired. I am so lucky that the twins can get themselves up, dressed, washed and make breakfast without too much supervision. 

Another short staffed busy day at work. Wow, it's tiring. On leaving work I picked up the kids and had to go straight to bed. I called Tommy to come home as I just could not cope through complete exhaustion. Deb picked up Becs to take to Brownies, and Tommy was home in time to take Oscar to Cubs, do a Tesco shop then pick Becs up from Brownies then Oscar from Cubs.

I felt very low this evening.... I think that going back to work early has worn me out, and I feel guilty that I have no time for the kids when we get home.

A tearful evening... think I need to speak to the Macmillan nurses. I feel lost, now that my treatment has finished, I feel that I need a bit more closure.

Whoever invented knock knock jokes
should get a no-bel prize

Back to Work

32000 hits to my blog.... thank you

Work.

Well, today I returned to work. I still use my special parking place at the Castle. It was good to be back (and good that I was back, as we were short staffed today).

After picking up the twins I was absolutely exhausted and went straight to bed. Tommy came home to take them to the swimming lesson. Then worked in the evening. 

I am now awaiting an appointment date in March for a scan on my lung, just to check that the breast cancer has not gone there and that the previous shadow has now gone.

I need a job sleeping
with lots of overtime

Pie-Eyed

Fig. 1 PIE.

A mad rush catching up on everything ready for going back to work tomorrow. Oscar went out for the day on a Cub event, Tommy and Rebecca went on a bike ride. I made a chicken and leek..... (see fig. 1)

Tried to get a rest in again, 
but there was no time again. 

I am looking forward to going back to work, but am worried about the tiredness.

I may be a schizophrenic 
but at least I have each other

Still tired in the afternoon

Yesterday I spent the day trying to ignore my ironing and doing some retail therapy... nothing. Its always the way!

This morning Tommy took Oscar to his football match, quarter finals. Rebecca and I went up to see the match. It went to a penalty shoot-out, we won! 

Went for a sleep in the afternoon. Cuz Tim came round. Lorna returned some ironing, Loz popped round. Oscar went for a sleep over, Rebecca made a camp.... and slept in it.

Indian take-away for us.

I really am not sure about my hair colour.

Do I have an eating Disrder?
I like to have my pudding 1st, then my starter, then my main

I Do Have my Moments

Right, now I don't want anyone worrying but I thought I would share this poem with you which I wrote back in early February. I now have stopped the early evening depressions and am feeling a lot brighter, so now feel ready to share it with you all.

As I lie each night on my side in bed

The reality and thoughts go through my head.

The wet silent tears run down my face

Changing the colour of my pillowcase.

I so try to keep my sobs at bay

But my snotty sniffs are a sure give away

This hurt and pain that I try to hide

Have obviously been all pent up inside. 

Theres been more ups than downs within this sentence

But at times like this I just vent my vengeance

For most of the time I really have been coping

And despise myself for all this self-sorry moping.

I really can feel so much love and support

Which has taken me further than I'd ever thought

The flowers, the gifts, cards, ironing and cooking

Have carried me forward without even looking.

No More Mr Grey

Grey gone.

Could not lift my sleepy head from the pillow again. Sam took the children to school. Lorna came round to take me to the Caring Hair Studio, a specialist cancer patients charity, where I had my hair trimmed and coloured! 

I kind of miss the grey and feel this will take some getting used to. 

Bevs balls for dinner!

My biggest problem with the younger generation
is that I'm not in it

My Last Radiotherapy

Well, I should have had that rest yesterday. I was so tired this morning that I could not get up. The children went to school with Isobel. Deb picked me up for the last trip. The longest wait in the waiting room. On leaving I was handed a large folder full of notes, leaflets and another folder, informing me of what to expect in the future and how to carry on. (I'll read that later). After a bite of lunch home to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep. 

Bev popped round with some food for us and a freshly baked, still warm, lemon drizzle cake, mmmmm. Tommy bought me some flowers and did a lovely steak dinner to celebrate the end of the sentence. 

They said today that I will get even tireder next week and that the burning will intensify. 

Hairdressers tomorrow!

The only time I ever had a chip on my shoulder
was when I tried to pour the whole bowl into my mouth

Penultimate Procedure

Jo, school mum, twin mum

Today Jo picked me up and took me round the M25 (London Orbital) again to Mt V. We had to wait a little while in the waiting room. But were soon heading back to Hertford. I actually managed to stay awake today before picking up the kids. 

Last visit tomorrow!! Should I carry on daily with my Blog?? or is this it. I still have tests to do and then reconstruction around December time. But you guys must be getting bored of my mundane writings/rantings by now.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it

Souper!

Got a text first thing from chauffeur no. 13... too ill to drive me (you just can't get the staff these days)! Mum and Dad stepped in and took me to Mount Vernon. Whilst we were there I bumped into Amanda, who I had met in hospital at the QEII back in December when we were having our mastectomies. She was just starting her radiotherapy today.

Chauffeurs No. 13, 

Dad and Mum

Back to Mum and Dads for homemade soup, lovely soup and then home to bed, lovely bed (I hadn't slept the last couple of nights).

From M&D

I'm looking at my laughter lines and thinking ... what ever was that funny?

So tired, I'm going to pearces

We left Woodbridge at lunchtime as the children wanted to spend their birthday money on the way home... they each bought a laptop! 

Pearce's farm shop and cafe

I was sooooo tired but managed to cook the Sunday meal which we had purchased at the farm shop on the way home, when stopping for a coffee.

Back to radiotherapy tomorrow, start of week three.

You want 11 jokes about Wimbledon?
I think tennis enough

Suffolk Nights

31000 hits

Work called me to see if I could go in and help out today, but we were already going up to to see the grandparents in Suffolk for the twins birthday. 

We had a lovely. evening meal. I retired early as I was overtired. 

Worry causes hair loss
When the going gets tough
The tufts get going

Travelling in Style

The children went to play with Luke and Adam. Sue picked me up to take me to the hospital, in a Bentley, no less.  I felt like Lady Penelope. We stopped off at her local for lunch on the way home.

Picked the twins up from Helen's then took them to Bevs to play with Joseph. 

I slept peacefully for a few hours..... then....

6.30 Tommy arrived home, Julia and Leah arrived, Bev and family came to return Bex and Oz, and we all had a jolly, fun evening!

We had a quiet glass of wine
followed by 14 noisy ones

Party Time

Tommy had another day off, so was able to take me back to Mount Vernon with the children today. Whilst we were there I bumped into Lin, survivor, who's husband I had worked with 10 years ago! it was good to have a quick catch up; sorry I missed seeing Dave.  

We stopped in a local pub for lunch on the way home and then got on with preparations for the party.

We had hired Haileybury pool with a large inflatable for 36 kids, packed their tea and set off for the pool. Rebecca, Oscar and most of their class and friends had a fantastic time. 

I managed to stay awake throughout the party (my usual flagging time). 

I must have been really drunk when I drove home last night
We don't own a tractor

Happy Birthday R&O!

Chauffeurs No. 10, 10 today!

Today our babies are 10. Mum and Dad came round for birthday brunch, then the twins got out on their new bikes. We went over to the hospital for my radiotherapy and the family got to see the room which I visit daily.

In the afternoon we walked into Hertford and had a late lunch. The kids played on their bikes again whilst I slept.

Schools Out

Chauffeur No. 9, Sam, 

school mum and neighbour

It's great having teachers as friends and neighbours. Sam took me the hospital, whilst Christian looked after the five children!  We didn't get too lost, just missed a major turning as I was chatting too much. On the way back we stopped off at the shops for a bite and to get a few last minute bits for the twins 10th birthday tomorrow and their party on Thursday.

After the dentist I slept. The children are very excited about tomorrow, poor things get to go on a day trip to Rickmansworth, but I did ask the radiographers if the kids could come in and see the large white room and rotating, floor, bed and machine along with laser beams (takes me back to my teen disco days), they said that they will try if they get time.


Self help group for over talkative people:
On and On Anon

Tit Box

Chauffeurs No. 8. 

Linda and Ted.

Life long family friends

Sonia picked up the twins to take them to the cinema and lunch. Linda and Ted arrived with a large bunch of daffs and took me to the hospital.  The traffic wasn't so good today, and we had a bit of a wait at the Cancer Centre for my appointment. 

Slept in the afternoon. Tommy picked up my new prosthesis from the hospital today on his way home... I bet he felt a right tit!


Whoever invented the zero
thanks for nothing

Half Term

Sunny spring like day, full of energy in the morning, took Rebecca outside on her roller blades, popped into Sams for a cuppa. The kids and I decorated their party food bags and started filling them ready for their pool party.

Mum popped round with a lemon drizzle and some chocolate brownies. I got a lot done in the morning, but then faded as the day went on. Pete called to invite us down for Easter. Lauren dropped in to bring back some ironing. I had an afternoon nap, but as seems to be the norm at the moment am struggling with coping/hormones around early evening time.... feeling tired and unable to cope, getting the blues.

Tommy cooked the Sunday roast, then the children did us an unprompted guitar recital.... otherwise know as their show. Fantastic!

The kids did my exercises with me this evening, even they found them strenuous.

Sam makes a great cuppa
it's her special tea

Spring has Sprung

Another lie-in, and then went into work to help out for a few hours on the busy Saturday schedule. They seem to have been coping quite well without me so far; getting the Saturday team in during the week to cover for me, and probably loads of more stress for Peter. I had to do a bit of policing... but this WPC (Work-worth Paula Collins) wants to be assured that Shepherds is ship-shape!


Straight home at 3 to bed. Wow, work is tiring! 

My spring bulbs have sprung, two beautiful Narcissus. 

These days my happy hour is a nap

Radiotherapy - Over a Third done

Had a lie-in this morning until about 10am. My head cold had nearly gone, it must have been the chillies last night. 

Lindsay arrived to drive me to my last radiotherapy this week (oh yeah, I get the weekend off). 

Chauffeur No. 7, 

Lindsay, twin mum

When we got back to Hertford all the twin mums came round to give Lindsay her birthday present and to have some lunch. It was great to catch up with them all.

Again I slept in the afternoon. 


You'd think I'd be depressed 
   with only one breast,
You'd imagine I hate it
   with one missing tit,
You'd think looking down into my bra
   horrific; seeing a very large scar.

Correct.


2 men walk into a bar
the third one ducks

St. Valentine's Day

Didn't sleep well last night, and woke up with a head cold. I'd been doing so well with no immune system not catching anything. Today Melissa picked me up, every day the journey time is exactly the same (50 minutes each way) and good traffic. 

Chauffeur No. 6,
Melissa, school mum

I was worried that if I were to sneeze or cough during radiotheraphy, they would zap my lung. 

Once home I went straight to bed and slept until early evening. Mum and Dad came round to help the children with their dinner. They bought some beautiful spring bulbs round from Liz & Don.

Tonight was parents' evening at school. I felt too tired and ill to go, so Tommy went with the children. Great reports, well done R & O!

Tried to eat a curry to blow away the germs!

I love sat nav
I don't know where I'd be without it

From Hospital to Hospital

Chauffeur No. 5, Julie.
Twin mum, school mum,
Survivor

Julie picked me up to do the day five run, I think I now know the way to Mount Vernon... just.

On leaving Rickmansworth Julie then chauffeured me to Welwyn Garden City, to hospital number two for the day where I was to be fitted for my prosthesis (chicken fillet). They didn't have my size (the chicken didn't fill-it) and will have to order it in.

Julie dropped me back at Bevs where the children were playing. Stopped in for a cuppa (no bevvies at Bevs) and a chat before returning home to have Laurens mac' cheese for dinner. 

I wanted to test my smoke detector
so I cooked something

30,000 Hits

Chauffeur No. 4, Deb

30,000 hits, wow, thank you guys, your support and love really gets me through.

Today Deb picked me up. We had 2 sat navs with us, but chose not to use them as we felt that we would get there ok.... and we did! Straight in to my appointment again, even though we were early. 

On the way back we stopped off for lunch. I picked up the kids then Lauren came round to drop off a macaroni cheese. I was really tired and went to bed for a while before making pancakes for the twins' tea, then taking Rebecca to Brownies (where she had more pancakes)!

Flippin' Shrove Tuesday

I hate Pancake Day... it's crêpe. 

The Snowy Mount

Tommy was working from home today so he walked the children down to school in the snow. I got a call from the QEII today inviting me to go for my prosthesis fitting on Wednesday (silicone breast form). 

Chauffeur No. 3, Helen

Helen picked me up and took me to Rickmansworth through the slush. Again we were early and I went straight in for my radiotherapy.

The machine which swivels around me.

In the afternoon I rested. 

Helen drove me all the way to MV in the snow,
And what does she have to chauffeur it?

Indian Buffet

Happy birthday Julala

Today I went into work, before meeting the gang for Julia's birthday lunch. Got lots of work done and then met my friends. We started off at the Duncombe Arms, lunched at The Shahensha, then went to the Hertford club.

Whenever I go near a bank I get withdrawal symptoms

Bob Gone

Common Bob now sits lonely on her stand. I suggested to the kids that we throw her out to sea, have a burning ceremony or donate her to someone that needs her next. I can just imagine some lonely dolphin with a blonde wig on! 

Spent most of the day in bed. 

Return flights
They take me back

From Sue to Ju

Chauffeur No. 2 Sue (survivor)

Again I walked the kids down to school. Sue; chauffeur No. 2 arrived early afternoon to ship me off to Mount Vernon. Again, it was so good to catch up. We arrived half an hour early, fortunately they were able to zap me early. As it had been so cold yesterday in the room I wore my gloves!

The traffic coming back was really bad so we popped into M&S until the problem had subsided.

Mum and dad picked the twins up from school and they made some brownies, which we then took round to Julias for her birthday.

When I got there my ski team had bought me a lovely present as I had missed this years trip. Thanks you guys xxx

From my ski buddies

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx

First Day of Radiotherapy

Chauffeur No. 1, Lorna

Got up as usual, then walked the kids to school. My first chauffeur, Lorna came round at 10am and drove me to Mount Vernon. We chatted and caught up on the way. The hospital was very busy. My first radiotherapy appointment was as to be expected, the room is a massive white room with a remote controlled bed and a large white scanner like thing, red and green laser beams, about 4 staff lining me up before the zapping. No pain, just a noise. Lying still with my arms up behind me for about 15 minutes was quite hard. It was cold in there. 

We had some lunch after it was all over... all in all it was a good day. Picked the children up, made some cookies with them and then slept until early evening. 

I've reached the age where I can't function without glasses

Especially if they're empty

Am I 2 Weak 4 3 Weeks?

Only three weeks to go, and then I'm done! 

Well, that's how I should be feeling, but I feel so low about it. It's not that I am frightened of the treatment, in fact I don't know what it is that is making me feel this way. Maybe, as I have had such a long break, that to start again, is just so laborious. It's probably the drugs playing with my hormones making me a blubbering mess, as both chemotherapy and tamoxifen can bring on early menopause!

At work I couldn't quite concentrate entirely. Home for a nap. Chauffeur No.1 turning up at 10am tomorrow. 

Sign language;
It's very handy

Spice up My Jokes

What a busy day at work! Short staffed and manic. Tomorrow is my last day at work for a while. I will be hibernating from then. The radiotherapy is going to make me tired... well, I hope it helps me to sleep at night which I am not doing too well at the moment; I stayed up all night trying to remember if I have amnesia or insomnia.

Mum and Dad came round after school, they got me a book from the library (I think they have sensed that my jokes are getting thin on the ground). 5,000 Great One Liners. Also a new spice-rack (there's a fine line between hyphenated words). 

Halloumi - the only cheese that greets itself in the 3rd person

Bob-Less Bond Babe

Judy Dench (M)

Me (P)

First day in the playground without Bob. I was told that I look sophisticated, "like I could run MI5".

First day at work without Bob. They just called me 'M'... Well, I am just taking it as a compliment (I had always wanted to be compared to a Bond girl)! It was much more comfortable going naked, albeit a bit colder. 

Bond in the bath?
Bubble 07

Chillax

Sunday lie-in. Had a big sort out of the twins' rooms. Tommy made a gorgeous Sunday roast again. We all had a big chill out day. I went to Tesco without Bob to keep my head in order, felt very conspicuoius, but didn't get too many strange looks.

Work, rest, sleep

Another Saturday at work. Lauren popped round after work and we put the world to rights. I am now on count down to radiotherapy starting on Thursday. So, the difference between chemotherapy and radiotherapy is that the chemo destroys all fast growing cells, such as hair, nails, cancer. It is injected via the vein to run throughout the whole body. Radiotherapy does the same, but is zapped via lazer directly to the area concerned.

I now can only wash in Simple soap....soap, I haven't used a bar of soap for years. I can only moisturise with aqueous cream. No perfume or anti-p.

I was accused of being self-important.
I nearly fell off my throne

Feathery Hair

Took the car and left it at the garage, then walked back from there to Laurens house. We went shopping for the morning. Had a laugh which cheered me up. She dropped me off at The Feathers at Wadesmill where I met the twin mums for lunch. Whilst I was there I took off Common Bob to show of my long hair. That really confused the barman when I went to pay! He didn't recognise me.

I got a lovely card today from cousin Clare in Scotland. Tommy picked up the car (he's so strong)... broken suspension spring. Oscar had Andrew round for tea. 

Tired, early night.

Me,Ski? No

Chocolate!

Made it into work this Thursday, but was very tired. GJ bought me some eggs.

Today my buddies are going skiing, I usually go with them. They go to Söll to ski the mountains, I go to Mount Vernon... it's just not quite the same (or fair)!

Miss you guys

Slept solidly after work, I am absolutely worn out.

Went to buy camouflage trousers the other day
...Couldn't find any